Committing to Commitment

I work better, I’ve found, when I have multiple deadlines looming over my head—even if they are self-imposed deadlines. So, I know I said back in October I was back in the blogging game, but then I fell off the edge of the planet again. Go figure. I blame my BFF Sara for that, although she doesn’t know it (then again, maybe she does, she is scary perceptive like a ninja). Sara is in her third trimester and I have gone crafting crazy trying to get my BIG plans completed before Baby arrives! So October passed in a blur of yarn and fabric and emergency poodle skirts. And I’m still not done!

So what does that mean for me? Well, November is going to be busy. As always. I don’t even try to pretend to be surprised. In addition to the crafting and NaNoWriMo, I am going to commit to getting at least two posts a week. They might be short, maybe just be a photo or two. But the more I have to accomplish, the more willing I am to manage my time appropriately and not procrastinate.

And Friends, I am a big procrastinator. If I started a list of all my faults, procrastination would be at the top. I totally blame my family for that one. As the baby of the family, I learned very early on that if I waited long enough, someone else would do my task for me. Heck! My mom and sister still do it! Remember that whole painting my house thing?

(Another fault, since I’m listing them, apparently I don’t like to take responsibility for myself. But I blame my birth order for that.)

But no one is going to craft for me. And no one is going to NaNo for me. And clearly, no one is blogging for me. So I’ve got to pick up the slack. And by pick up the slack, I really mean, actually do the stuff that I want to do: crafting, blogging, writing.

Of course, there is one teensy flaw in my plan. Work. Yup. Me working, as much as I love my job (and a post is coming out soon about that) it really is putting a kink in my whole time management plan. Although to be fair, there are a few things I can do while I am at work that doesn’t interfere with actually working especially during the slow period, but don’t tell anyone I said so!

Plumb Tuckered Out

April, much like November and NaNoWriMo, is tiring. Different reasons for being tiring, but tiring nonetheless. NaNo is a hectic and fast paced but it's a me against me thing. April brings a different level to the writing. It's me writing, but also making the rounds, reading, commenting, responding. More giving of my time to outside influences, maybe.

And that's a good thing. NaNo is all about removing myself from reality and focusing on my novels. Blogging A to Z is all about making connections. And really, who doesn't like connections. Introverts maybe, but then introverts probably wouldn't be participating in such a challenge. Though I could be wrong. Heck! for all I know I was the only extrovert participating this year. I'm tired but in a good way. I feel accomplished and dedicated. And that's saying a lot right now. So no worries, Pickleope, I'm still going to be blogging. I miss my "I Made It Mondays" and my "Friday Photos."

Two things before I go. First, I hit a blog milestone during the A to Z Challenge: 300 posts! Yay! But even more awesome? All my new peeps! I'd like to give a great big welcome to all the newcomers to my blog. You found me through A to Z and stuck around and that's a major ego boost! Glad to have you around for my journey!

Interruption

I interrupt your regularly scheduled blog reading for some minor announcements:

1) Holy Moly People! Working is ruining my life of lesuire! I am finding that adjusting to a new schedule at 36 is not nearly as easy as adjusting to a new schedule at 22. That being said, I'm trying, but I am going to have to prioritize my time here. So for the duration of the challenge, I will be focused on making comments on other people's blogs. I love your comments and I read every one of them. Twice. I do! Really! Once in my inbox and then again on the blog. So for Goodness sake keep them coming because you're all awesome like that but I probably won't get around to replying to them until my days off. 

2) I am going to disallow anonymous comments. Blogger is pretty good about filtering for me, but the amount of spam is increasing exponentially and I think I'd rather be a bit more proactive with my blog management.

3) I'm not sure if you noticed but at the end of each post, I've been giving a shout out to a fellow A to Z-er. For this first week I'm linking to people I already know and follow, but for the rest of the challenge I'm going to link to people I don't know all that well but have been intrigued by their posts. 

4) I have been blessed with a gaggle of new followers and I want to take a second and acknowledge them! The A to Z Challenge is a great way to discover new blogs and people who might just be crazier than me and I am grateful for everyone who has stopped by on a whim (and if you are like me you click a link because the name intrigues you) and then stuck around. Thank you!

Happy A to Z-ing!!

This isn't a "Real Post." Seriously.

In my mind, I've been off fighting pirates in the Caribbean, making life-altering crafts out of pine cones and duct tape, saving the world from alien Bigfoot invaders (again) and baking the heck out of some nice crusty bread.

In my mind, that is. The truth and reality is never that exciting and excuses are so 2012. So I'd like to just jump right into things, pretending that I've not been ignoring my blog so much as...

Heck. I can't even come up with a good "so much as."

Forget it. I said this isn't a real post and it's not. I just wanted to take a minute from my excruciatingly normal and slightly boring day to give a couple of shout outs. It seems in my absence I've gotten some Bloggy Love (that doesn't sound...dirty...does it?) and despite my utter apathy for the Internet and blogging and socialization right now, I really appreciate the recognition.

I have received no less than three Liebsters! Serious blogging love going on there and while I am in no way capable of answering all those questions or actually, really passing on the award right now, I wanted to make sure that recognitions was recognized.

So, first a big thank you to Ruby at Whispering Thoughts. She is one of my earliest followers and always has a kind word for me! She also writes some very thought provoking poetry and short stories on her blog. And she has a photo blog too!

Next a couple of bloggers at Moonkissed. New followers Hannah and Holly host a fashion, artsy blog that is cute and informative - especially to someone like me who pretty much owns nothing but jeans, tee-shirts and polos (man I love polos!).

Finally, my BFF Sara at A Bend in the Road. She is the reason I started blogging in the first place and one of my biggest fans (if I do say so myself). Sara blogs about her grief of losing her daughter Lauren, everyday life and food.  

Photo A Day - Grateful

As I spent yesterday and this morning in the kitchen, struggling to cook while dizzy on pain killers (don't worry, my girls helped me out a lot!) I thought about what photo I'd use for today. But then I realized in a moment of clarity (or as the pain meds were wearing off) I might not be able to post a photo here (Oh Blogger how you disappoint me!) but I probably wouldn't have posted a photo today anyway because I don't do people photos here all that much.

And that, my friends, is what I am grateful for: people.

Amidst the potatoes, pies and turkey, I knew that even if I hadn't a single thing to put on the table today except a bowl of cold gruel, I would still be grateful because of the people I have in my life.  By nature, I am a people person. I like to pretend otherwise, but I really am. I like having people around me and with me. I like sharing my experiences with my friends and family. People make each day fuller especially when they are people you love. And I love me some amazing people!

Today as many gather around the dining room table to celebrate a completely made up holiday I am grateful for:

My Friends - Sara, Natasha, Amanda and Ericka. BFFs who've shared with me good times and bad, dreams and disappointments, celebrations, quiet times and adventures.

My Family - My Mom and Dad, my sister, who at the drop of a hat will be by my side if I need her, my brothers who grew up watching over me and protecting me even as I tried my hardest to annoy them, my extended family that I don't get to see very much but when I do it is as if no time has passed by and the family I married into, the strangers who opened their homes, hearts and worlds to me simply because I married Scott.

My Husband - We have been together for half my life and I can't imagine anyone else I'd want to share my love and life with. He loves me in spite and despite all of my flaws and idiosyncrasies. He makes me feel beautiful on days when I feel ugly, he holds me when I am sad or scared and he dedicates his life to making mine wonderful.

My Girls - If there is a center to my universe it is clearly my girls.  I am beyond grateful to have two compassionate, intelligent, playful and beautiful girls. From the very second I knew I was carrying them I loved them unconditionally. They make my world better. They make me a better person. They make me who I am.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it today!

Photo A Day - Something Awesome

I'm a geek and a gamer. I've never been one to hide that. One of the things I love most about tabletop RPG is all the neat accessories Paizo is now selling. In a few months, my gaming group will be starting a new adventure where we become pirates. One of the members of the group downloaded and assembled an awesome 3D pirate ship for us to use for the game.

Made out of heavy card stock and plastic sheets the ship has been sitting in my living room for a few months now. And it is full of the awesome! The top deck is detachable so we can play below decks.

You know - rereading that paragraph makes it sound like it is a full scale ship sitting in my back yard rather than on a shelf in my living room. I promise, it's just a model. Although having a full size pirate ship in my back yard would be beyond awesome.

"Avast! There's a giant eel, octopus and something else off the port side!"

Look at the detail on this thing! The planks, the doors that actually open, the carved woodwork!

"Let's keelhaul someone, Argh!"

I've been making the little paper minis for the adventure (again they are a product that Paizo sells to go along with the adventure paths). And don't they look so freaking cute awesome? I can just hear their little "args" and "avast ye scurvy bilge rats" echoing across the deck. And sure, I'll admit that I've had myself a little fun putting the minis on and making them swab the decks.

Friday Photos

Last month I met up with Sara and Geordie at the Dunlawton Sugar Mill Gardens for an afternoon of exploration in what is supposed to be a very beautiful botanical garden - alas not much was in bloom and they were doing some minor construction on new garden areas so it was breathtaking in terms of the gardens. Fortunately for us, the real reason I wanted to go to gardens was Bongoland!

I first read about Bongoland about two years ago when the girls and I were first getting into camping. I had it in my head to explore as much of Florida as possible and, of course, the first book I turned to was Weird Florida.

Life being what it is, my plans to go to Bongoland always got scrapped. But when I finally got to go, it was almost as good as I hoped. The only thing that could have made it better would have been more...dinosaurs?

This was the only one of the five concrete monstrosities that "looked" semi-normal...and by that I mean ... never mind, just keep scrolling down.

Okay. Dinosaur eggs are pretty simple enough to make. These kind of looked cool. I liked how they had one that was broken open almost birdbath-like.

I've always been a fan of stegosaurus. They make me smile as I imagine them clodding around in the forest.

Cool I like tricertops - they always look tough, like they are just sitting on the edge of a major spaz out. Umm...okay so maybe his horns got broken in a fight...

Why is he trying to KISS US????

smootchy-smootchy

Behold the giant land sloth. Watch out folks, his a maniacal stalker! Look at how he is pushing back the brush... just like a velocioraptor!

"I'm watching you...With my shiny Frank Sinatra eyes!"

 And finally the majestic king of dinosaurs... The T-Rex?

Yikes! Rexy Baby! What happened to you? Where is your third finger? Have you dislocated a shoulder, you poor thing!

I'm pretty sure there isn't anything left to say but oh how these made me crazy happy!

B is for Backroads

And there is no better backroad in my mind than Butterville Road.

Once I got my driver’s license I found that driving the backroads was a way to relax, to reflect and to recharge. And once I discovered it, my car, as if acting on its own accord, steered its way to Butterville. Running parallel to the prominent mountain ridge that rims the western edge of my hometown the small, often overlooked road intersects two other roads that climb into the mountain itself.

Spotted with farm houses, rolling fields and meadows, copses of deciduous trees and herds of deer, Butterville became my favorite late night hangout spot during my senior year of high school. A few friends and I would park along the side of the road and sit looking up at the mountain ridge. We would gossip, dream and imagine our life as adults. We shared secrets and tears. We’d play the radio and sing along. Sometimes we’d take a few hesitant steps into the meadow only to run back to the car squealing with fears of the dark.

Once, a police officer pulled up behind us while we sat in the road next to the car talking. Terrified, we stood up as he got out and approached us. He asked what we were doing and in all honesty answered, “Nothing.” We had no drugs or alcohol and aside from loitering we weren’t doing anything wrong. Once we explained that we just liked to hang out and look at the stars and the mountain, he chuckled, shook his head and told us to “move along.”

Like a fifty’s style Lover’s Lane, I had my first real kiss there under a billion stars while deer scampered in the meadow. Once, a guy I met at work and really liked told me he “thought” he might be “in love with me.” Two days later he stopped taking my calls.

In a small town full of backroads it might be hard to pick a favorite one, but whenever I go back to my hometown, I make a point to drive along Butterville. I stop along the same stretch of the road and I stare up at the mountain that hasn’t changed in thousands of years. As the saying goes, you can never go home again, but sometimes, you can drive the backroads and remember with fond tears and laughter how much home means.

Meetings: Volume One

I am a big fan of serial fantasy novels. Lord of the Rings, Dragonlance, Forgotten Realms. The notion that a group of strangers can come together and save the world is wildly appealing to me. Perhaps it is the group dynamic that plays out or the blending of talents that appeal to me. But in all honesty, I think that the unusual circumstance that introduces and brings the characters together is what I love the most about these novels.

We had just moved to New York and the school year was barely started. At five, I had missed the cut off for school and I wouldn’t be starting kindergarten until the following year. This was before pre-school was the “in” thing so I had yet to meet any one except my next door neighbor. My oldest brother just starting high school, however, had made a bunch of new friends, which turned out exceedingly lucky for me.

My mom kept an open door policy at our house when I was growing up: all of our friends were welcome. The day I met Ericka, she had come with her mom to drop off Chip, Ericka’s older brother. My mom walked out to chat with Ericka’s mom. After a few minutes, my mom casually looked at Ericka.

“You know, I have a daughter about your age. Would you like to meet her?”

Ericka, startled, gave a hesitant nod, and was nudged out of the car.

“Go through the kitchen, down the hall and up the stairs. Heather’s room is the first door at the top.”

Ericka’s mom and mine continued chatting while Ericka made her way inside a strange house. I can only image what Ericka must have been thinking at that point. We both had such active imaginations, perhaps she thought she was walking into a trap or a house full of carnies!

Up in my room, I had no idea what was happening. I was supposed to be getting dressed. But I was too busy DANCING to worry about clothes! I danced about my room in my underwear a la Tom Cruise (in 1980 I was way ahead of the times). In my passionate dance frenzy, I got thirsty and was just starting out of my room to get a drink when I saw Ericka came slowly up the stairs.

I stopped, “Hi!” The music blared from my room as I watched the tall blonde girl climb the stairs.

“Um, hi.” Ericka said. “Your mom sent me in,” she glanced behind her, perhaps hoping for a quick rescue.

“Oh.”

“Are you allowed to play in your underwear?” she blurted out coming to a stop at the top step.

“Oh!” I said with a big smile and knowing of course I wasn’t allowed to run around the house in my underwear. “Sure. I do this all the time!” I casually glanced around to make sure my mom wasn’t about to materialize. “Wanna play?”

“…Sure…” Ericka said.

The rest of the day is a bit fuzzy. Did I get dressed? What did we play or talk about? But from that day, from that auspicious meeting, a great friendship was born. Thirty years later, Ericka is still an amazing friend and I am forever grateful to have shared so many adventures with her.

This is written in response to a prompt from Write on Edge exploring friendships.

Letter Box

I did some much needed early Spring cleaning this week and came across a tattered and worn cardboard box, you know the kind you store your income taxes in. Tucked into the bottom of my closet, covered with a stack of extra blankets this box has seen the inside of many master bedroom closets. With each move and unpacking, this box has followed me for nearly two decades. Of course, two decades ago it was just a small shoe box. Somewhere around 30 I adopted a larger, sturdier box.

Knowing that with the tight quarters our new house has, I decided to transfer the contents of the old box into an even sturdier plastic storage container. I had an extra one left over from Christmas (I repacked all of our Christmas decorations in new boxes this year since we have to store them outside) so while I was cleaning I took an hour to go through the old box before moving the contents to a new home.

I opened the cover of the box and smiled at all the greeting cards and letters that date back from the time when I was in middle school. Graduation cards, birth announcements, Christmas cards and letters from friends I’ve not seen or heard of in years all stacked in messy piles within the box.

Memories. Tangible memories from years past.

So many cards from family members I can’t even list them all! Hundreds of cards I imagine, though I have never counted them and only three birthday cards bare my grandmother’s signature. I’m sure I got more from her, she saw fifteen of my birthdays, but for some reason only those three made it into the box.

I worked for a semester before I started college and I have letters from Bridget telling me what a strange new world college was. Cards and letters from Cindy, a friend that I regret not keeping in touch with, telling me about her wild dating adventures. Birthday cards from Heather, hand made on her computer. I still have a Bob Ross inspired painted she made me hanging in my bedroom.

Each year new cards get reverently placed on top of the pile, birthday and Christmas cards mostly, but occasionally a letter or a “Thinking of you” card.

As I was going through, I remembered another box filled with just letters. This one though is just a small cardboard photo storage box – like a shoebox, that sits on a shelf in my Craftway. This one too has been through a number of moves and always gets placed where I have easy access to it. A few precious letters from my husband, a handful from a high school friend, and all the letters from my very oldest friend, Ericka, and my closest friend, Sara, all tied together with ribbons, each bundle from a different person.

 

Sara wrote to me while she was in Japan. Although she was not about to write everyday to mimic our daily conversations, she wrote long, detailed letters. Every time a thick letter was shoved though my mail slot, I would start tearing up even before I opened it because I missed her so much. Her letters are precise, thoughtful and insightful observations about Japanese culture, her loves and complaints about work and the new foods she was discovering. She writes so much like she talks and thinks, that it was easy to imagine her sitting next to me telling me about her experiences. Little details that I’m sure I would forget she spins into vibrant vivid descriptions like the story-teller she is.

Ericka’s letters have come at random intervals since just before high school graduation. Each time I get a letter from her I let out a “squee” of joy. Envelopes are decorated with stickers and drawings or pictures that she cut out of magazines and glued on. Her letters are short and poignant detailing her life and asking about the girls. Occasionally a mention of some silly thing we did as kids gets tossed in: concoctions, secret codes, Cabbage Patch Kids, so many shared memories. I can hear her voice in each letter and each one brings with it a bevy of happy memories.

My new 27 quart plastic box for letters gives me some extra space. At 75% capacity, I think I have another five or ten years to fill it up. I look forward to the day when I will need to move up to a bigger box. Letters are a tangible, permanent connection. I might not keep in touch with people like I should but trust me when I say, each card, each postcard, each letter means something and gets tucked away. Writing letters is so personal you can’t help but feel special when you get one. An unexpected letter from a friend is like sunshine, rainbows and unicorns exploding out of the mailbox.

 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a letter to write.

Birthday Thoughts

I was working on a post about the Birthday Fiesta O’ Fun, but everything I wrote seemed insignificant or overly sappy, neither of which were very helpful at expressing what I was feeling.

So in a succinct explanation: Sara’s birthday is ten days away, mine eleven. This will be the first year in seven years that Sara and I will not be celebrating our birthdays together.

It feels…wrong.

I knew that Sara wouldn’t be able to come back to Florida this summer, so I knew that a BFOF was unlikely, but I didn’t really consider the consequences. And so now my birthday is nearly here and I’m just not digging it.

Penis in the Sky

I was driving to the zoo today to pick up the girls from their first day of zoo camp when I saw the most fantastic cloud formation ever: a circumcised penis. I only wish I had my camera so I could have snapped a shot and submitted it Accidentaldong.blogspot.com.

This lofty formation made me laugh and I grabbed my cell phone wanting to call someone and tell them about it. Then suddenly, in a moment of odd, quiet reflection, as I stared at my phone, I realized that I didn’t have anyone I could call with that tidbit of hilarity.

Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of friends. Friends that would get a kick out of a cloud shaped penis, but friends who would shake their heads and roll their eyes at my immaturity.

And then I remembered a thought I had as I was driving home from dropping the kids off this morning: I don’t have anyone to go play with. A whole day sans kids and I didn’t have anyone to share it with. So I went home and did laundry and other respectable grown-up things.

Putting the two thoughts together drove me to a third and final thought: being an adult sucks which is why, I think, that I shall never act my age.

Cheers,
Heather

Open Letter to My BFFs (who like ninjas)

Dear BFFs,

How are you? I hope that everything is going well for you.

Pleasantries aside, I have a very important message and request for you.

Please reproduce. Please!

You are denying the world of your DNA. More importantly, I thought up an awesome idea for a baby gift while I was in the shower the other day. It is a brilliant idea. I could potentially make millions (well, at least hundreds). But in order for my idea to be realized, someone needs to have a baby.

It's a contest. The first BFF to reproduce gets the results of my brilliant idea. Not only will you love it, but your baby will have the coolest baby gift on the face of the planet.

Let me repeat that: THE COOLEST!!!

Your baby will be the envy of all other babies. The parents of those other babies will be all like, “OMG! Where did you get that? It is the coolest ever!” (Note that all those other parents are silly nitwits who insist on twirling their hair and naming their children things like Bitsy and Milford while you, my awesome BFFs, will name your kids things like Bloodaxe and Artemis.)

So, my dear BFFs, I implore you to not wait another year. I have already started making the gift. So act now! Don't wait another day! Reproduce! First baby out wins big!!

Cheers,
Heather

Back to the Story

Way back in 2004, before we left Flagler, Sara and I came up with an awesome idea: a story that spanned an arc of at least five books. While I claim credit for the initial concept of a set of quadruplets (another brilliant shower idea), Sara and I were equal partners in the development of everything else. We spent a good year working solidly upon it. We made maps, religions, creatures and a royal genealogy spanning centuries. We (and by “we” I mean me) even created a song about the main character!

As time went on, we developed side stories to our main arc. We fell in love with some of the minor characters and ideas. We developed ideas for other books and story arcs. We talked, emailed and took notes but we never actually got around to writing anything solid.

We had cultures, back stories, political intrigue and wars, but no story.

Time passed. Our notes and ideas were filed away as we moved on with other projects. Four Nanos ago, I decided to try my hand at starting our story with Sara’s full support. I didn’t get very far and got frustrated that one character, the villain, began taking over the story and took me away from my main character. I put it away.

When Sara left for Japan, she gave me all of her story notes and files. I dutifully put them with mine and they have been floating around my house ever since, taking up space but not being used.

Last year when the computer incident occurred (Scott crashing my system and me not having anything backed up*) I thought I had lost everything that I wrote for the story I finally started. I was devastated. All the time spent, all those hours of typing…not just the story but all the notes that were saved on the computer – gone! I was thankful I had hard copies of some of the material, but at the time, I didn’t even look at the hard copies. Knowing I had something of the world Sara and I created was enough for right then.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the story, the characters, and the world. I've had some more of my brilliant shower ideas: snippets of conversations, scenes and plot ideas. For the past three weeks or so, I’ve come home glanced at the files and thought to myself, “You’ve got to do something with those!” This world that we created, I thought, deserves to be more than just a bunch of notes. Sara and I invested so much into it, to have it all just sit and wait seems such a let down. Not just for me or Sara but for our characters that we poured so much of ourselves into.

But between work, the girls, and everything, I never picked them up…

…Until today.

Waiting for my gaming group to arrive, I took out my file folder of story notes and began to thumb through them. I couldn’t have been more surprised! Apparently, a while back, during a time I don’t remember at all, I printed out what I wrote for the Nano novel! I had tucked it away in the file and left it there, forgotten and alone!

After the gamers left, I sat at the dining room table and thumbed through all the files. What I thought I lost – the genealogies, the country backgrounds, character notes, one of us (probably Sara) had the foresight to make hard copies. While I am missing some of the original email discussion we had, I have so much material that I don’t know where to start!

So, what to do…

Well, with Sara’s blessing (which I have no doubt she’ll give) I am going to revisit our world. I am going to give voices to our heroes, to our villains and our world!

* I haven't figured out how to imbed a link to previous posts, but for the computer incident check out Silent Fury from Feb. 13, 2009 and Live and Learn from Feb. 14, 2009.

It's A Brand New Game

If it is a brand new game, why do I feel like I’ve been here before? Is it that gamers fall into the same categories and types regardless? Will there always be a rules lawyer? A goofy geek that fondles the minis? An obnoxious loudmouth that always has to tell a story about what this one character did in a game unrelated to the current one? A self absorbed narcissus whose character is single minded in their own purpose to the determent of the group? A DM who takes far too much delight in our character’s deaths? It isn’t so much the stereotypes that are throwing me for a loop, but the memories they dredge up.

Now, I’ll admit, I’m sure I also fall into a category. But for right now, I am quiet at the gaming table, almost unbelievably so. I watch the others, see how they interact, and merge, while I am trying partly deliberately and partly subconsciously, to keep my distance.

Without diminishing what Sara went through (and honestly, I have no idea how she managed to be so calm through it all, I’m still seething about it for her and for me) I’m still really upset about how my last group fell apart. As much as I disliked D I didn’t like “firing” him, and I really miss J. She was fun to hang out with, witty, amusing and an all around nice person. But when D went, J went too. It was a choice between Z and C who really merged well with us and D, who just drove us crazy with his self-absorbed rules-lawyering.

I can’t hold a grudge against Z and C. I mean they had job opportunities that were just too good to pass up and from what I hear they are doing well in Cali! I miss them a ridiculous amount! Both are good guys and I hope that they have found groups that appreciate them as much as I did and that play to their strengths.

And then there was E. Out of all the old group, never would I have pegged E for being a dickweed. It was bad enough what he did to Sara. For that alone, I wish him ill. His actions though affected not just Sara, but my whole family as well. We were all close with him, spending time with him away from the gaming table, hanging out late into the night, going out as a group. Cyra especially loved the man. God, she spent time crying over him when he was on deployment, not just because she missed him, but because she kept having nightmares that something happened to his ship or that he fell overboard and was eaten by sharks!

And then there is Sara. What can I say about her that isn’t obvious? My first grown-up BFF (how childish does that sound?). I don’t blame her for high-tailing it out of here. In fact, I am more than a little envious of her opportunities to travel and explore the world. I took her departure harder than I thought I would. But 13 time zones are piddle-squat when it comes to friendship! And before I start mushing and gushing, I’ll leave it at that.

So, when it came time to regroup, to find a new set of gamers I found myself very hesitant. I didn’t want to invite people into my home and get close, be friendly, get hurt. What finally convinced me was Scott. He has been dying to play Pathfinder and he kept checking the message boards looking for a group in town. When he found a message that looked promising, he immediately drew my attention to it and all but begged and pleaded with puppy eyes (not that that works) to see if we could set something up.

I capitulated and emailed and then met part of the group at the bookstore to see if we’d be compatible. Much to my dismay, I hit it off with them. They are nice guys, so far that I’ve seen. They can only game two or three times a month and only on Sunday afternoons which works out really well for Scott and I. And, yes, they fall into stereotypes and after two gaming sessions it is hard not to make comparisons.

S reminds me a great deal of E. Goofy, playful, geeky. I know I’ll get along famously with him.

E reminds me of C. A rules lawyer who doesn’t work the rules so much as reminds the DM as needed, or looks up a stat for the DM as requested.

The DM reminds me of Sara. He is a great storyteller and weaves us into the fabric of the story. Unlike Sara, he uses the critical hit deck-OUCH!! And he takes gleeful delight in pulling out those cards!

C reminds me a great deal of D. He always wants to talk about what he once did in a different campaign. He is loud and boisterous, which could be taken either way, good or bad.

J reminds me of the very first Jess we had at our table in the apartment. Self-absorbed, her character is conniving and won’t engage in battle unless forced. She is also single-minded in her own personal side quest.

So where does this leave me? I’m friendly; it is hard for me not to be friendly. It is easy for me to keep my distance since we only meet every other week or so, and because we have such a short time to game, we are all focused on the game as soon as everyone gets here. I’m not entertaining as I once did. It is a strict BYO: if I don’t feed them, I don’t adopt them. And in an unfortunate side effect from our last group, I am a bit fearful.

I am a loyal friend, fierce and devoted, once I have given friendship; it takes a lot to break it. It is the Leo in me, I think, and really, I’m not sure I willing or able to hand over friendship as I once did. And that, I think is what kills me the most. I am friendly and outgoing by nature, and right now, it is taking all I’ve got to not be.