Time for an Update

So. A year, huh?

Many good intentions were had. Procrastination happened.

I've been out so long...is blogger even still a thing? Is anyone still out there? I thought about starting a shiny new blog, here or elsewhere, but...yeah, I'm a bit to lazy for that.

I've got some things to say. Stuff to share.

No promises though.

The Countdown Is On

There’s a two-part episode of Star Trek Voyager titled “Year of Hell” in which Captain Janeway and her crew suffer a series of calamities over the course of a year. Eventually, through the magic of temporal phenomenon, everything ends up honky-dory, and the Year of Hell never happens. Voyager’s crew continues on their journey unaware of the disasters that befell them or they avoided...I’ve never understood temporal mechanics.

There have been more times than I can count that I’ve wished for a temporal phenomenon to undo this year or fast forward it. My very own, very real, very intense Year of Hell. As science fiction isn’t all science fact yet, that leaves me just waiting for the end of 2014.

Many times, almost daily, I ask myself what right have I to complain. I know people who’ve been through far too much for me to ever complain about anything. How dare I mope when people are starving, when wars rampage across the world, when cities burn, and mothers lose their children! Who am I to lie in bed at night crying? My husband holds me but is helpless to comfort me because I am inconsolable. In those moments, I allow myself to fall because I tell myself that grief is not a contest and there is no measurable way to compare pain, that even though others have suffered far more than I could ever imagine, my anger, sadness, and hurt are just as real.

I count, I breathe, I pull myself together because I have no other choice.

Am I depressed? Yeah. Clearly. There’s no denying that. My one and only solace? I know that my depression is situational. That things are generally shit right now, but it won’t be like this forever. I know that as long as I keep putting my feet on the ground every morning, that someday it won’t feel like such a chore. There are days when my smile is genuine and my laughter is not forced. And those days are slowly starting to outnumber the others.

I’ve said it before that I should have done an anonymous blog, then maybe, I’d post more about my life. Maybe if I had a top secret super blog I’d vent, I’d rant, I’d utilize an outlet that I honestly should have been using: my words. My chaos has been my own this year. I’ve not wanted to share it or talk about it here or anywhere, so even an anonymous blog would have sat unattended this year. I’ve got 31 more days to go in what I expected to be a great year. I have used this year as an excuse for not writing, not crafting, not doing and that’s got to change. Whether I post to a public blog or just jot notes in a journal, writing has always helped me work through my issues and I need to get back to that.

In 31 more days I’ll have survived 2014.

In 31 more days I’ll file 2014 away as a lesson learned.

In 31 more days I’ll jump into 2015 looking to exceed rather than endure. 

 

Scott asked me the other day if I expected 2015 to magically be better. Of course not, I said. But it’s like a clean slate. New Years is a tangible mark, a concrete, albeit human, passage of time. Time allows distance and clarity, healing and hope. Time, right now, is the best friend I’ve got.

This year I fell. Come January 1st, I will start standing again.

Changes

I'm not burnt out on blogging. Let me just make that clear. It would be great to say amazing things are happening: I won the lotto, I discovered a new element, Scott and I bought an RV and are currently traveling the lower 48, my novel was getting published.

But none of those dreams have come to pass...yet.

In all honesty, my job has changed gears and although I am now working a normal 9-5 day by the time I get home, dinner, kids, chores...you know the drill, the last thing I feel like doing is sitting at the computer. When I worked 2nd and 3rd shift, it was easier to define my time. I could work on a blog post in the morning when the girls were at school or in the middle of the night when all was quiet at work and I didn't feel like I was short-shifting my time with the girls.

I don't know how other do it! Jobs, kids, chores, blogs?

Well, no. I do know. We make time for what we prioritize. I get that. And right now, my problem is that this blog, blogging in general, just isn't a priority. I've got other things that I need and want to focus on. 

Am I saying goodbye? 

No. 

No, I'm not shutting down. I'm not going anywhere. 

But trying to force myself to commit to a blogging schedule just stresses me out. It stops being fun and entertaining and becomes a chore, just one more thing I need to take care of like the laundry or mowing the lawn. So for the time being, I'll work on posts as and when I can. With no rhyme or reason, I do hope you'll all still check in with me from time to time!

Happy New Year, Friends!

 

Committing to Commitment

I work better, I’ve found, when I have multiple deadlines looming over my head—even if they are self-imposed deadlines. So, I know I said back in October I was back in the blogging game, but then I fell off the edge of the planet again. Go figure. I blame my BFF Sara for that, although she doesn’t know it (then again, maybe she does, she is scary perceptive like a ninja). Sara is in her third trimester and I have gone crafting crazy trying to get my BIG plans completed before Baby arrives! So October passed in a blur of yarn and fabric and emergency poodle skirts. And I’m still not done!

So what does that mean for me? Well, November is going to be busy. As always. I don’t even try to pretend to be surprised. In addition to the crafting and NaNoWriMo, I am going to commit to getting at least two posts a week. They might be short, maybe just be a photo or two. But the more I have to accomplish, the more willing I am to manage my time appropriately and not procrastinate.

And Friends, I am a big procrastinator. If I started a list of all my faults, procrastination would be at the top. I totally blame my family for that one. As the baby of the family, I learned very early on that if I waited long enough, someone else would do my task for me. Heck! My mom and sister still do it! Remember that whole painting my house thing?

(Another fault, since I’m listing them, apparently I don’t like to take responsibility for myself. But I blame my birth order for that.)

But no one is going to craft for me. And no one is going to NaNo for me. And clearly, no one is blogging for me. So I’ve got to pick up the slack. And by pick up the slack, I really mean, actually do the stuff that I want to do: crafting, blogging, writing.

Of course, there is one teensy flaw in my plan. Work. Yup. Me working, as much as I love my job (and a post is coming out soon about that) it really is putting a kink in my whole time management plan. Although to be fair, there are a few things I can do while I am at work that doesn’t interfere with actually working especially during the slow period, but don’t tell anyone I said so!

October Revolution

It would be great to say I was so entirely busy with my life that I just didn’t have time for blogging, but I try to be honest here so I can’t claim busy as an excuse. In all honesty, there really isn’t one single excuse.

I lost interest.

It became a chore.

I had nothing good to say.

I was doing other things (not too busy mind you, just pursuing different creative outlets).

All sound pretty…excusey.

I could throw this one out there: My eldest got obsessed with interneting and because of that my interest diminished.

And that almost comes to the point. In fact, if I’m going with excuses that one is the only one I would lay claim to. As her interest developed, I started paying attention to my internet habits and realized how much time I actually spent online. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, spending time online, but I saw how much time I could reclaim for other activities.

The time spent at work, much of it while the girls were at school, limited our family time and interneting sucked even more time away.

I stopped writing blog posts, I stopped reading blogs, I stopped clicking on links. I checked my email and Facebook a few times a day, the weather and the news, and then I walked away from the computer. I crafted, played, cleaned, worked.

But even that is an excuse.

There were plenty of times that I thought to myself: Ooo! I should blog this! But didn’t. I didn’t feel like sitting down at the computer. So I made notes to myself and moved on with my day.

So yeah, maybe I just needed a break.

Let’s go with that: needing a break. You saw other blogs and that’s okay. We were on a break. But I want back in.

Plight of the Computerless (UPDATED)

Remember that time a few weeks ago when I said I'd keep blogging because I wasn't burnt out or anything like that after the A to Z challenge?

Yeah. I didn't lie, but all of a sudden I became slightly more computerless than I was before. You know back when I had a computer to use and all.

Long story short, I finally got around to installing the new cd/dvd drive my sister got me for Christmas (yes, it took me nearly five months to do it. I'm lazy, remember?) and wouldn't you know it, that even though it only took me about ten minutes to install, I apparently screwed up something somewhere, because the second I turned it on, I got the blue screen of death.

Twice.

So off to the Computer ER I rushed with my ancient tower. And, well...I confiscated my daughter's laptop in the meantime, but I'm taking this time to go a little unplugged. It's nice. And some projects around the house are actually getting done. Amazing what one can accomplish without the Internet to entertain me!

Hopefully, the computer techs will be able to fix whatever I screwed up and I'll be up and running again sometime next week. Until then, My Friends, I'll be putzing around the house and garden - have I mentioned my garden yet? No? Well, just wait!

Cheers!

UPDATE:

Seriously, folks, I got my computer back and they techs were all like..."Um it's $40 bucks and we couldn't find anything wrong anywhere. We had it running all day. No blue screen. No weird noises. Nothing."

Okey Dokey.

So , YAY! Computer! Although they did mention that it was a rather old computer. Old? It's barely five...but I guess in computer years that's about 4,724 years old. Guess that will need to get budgeted in sooner or later.

Plumb Tuckered Out

April, much like November and NaNoWriMo, is tiring. Different reasons for being tiring, but tiring nonetheless. NaNo is a hectic and fast paced but it's a me against me thing. April brings a different level to the writing. It's me writing, but also making the rounds, reading, commenting, responding. More giving of my time to outside influences, maybe.

And that's a good thing. NaNo is all about removing myself from reality and focusing on my novels. Blogging A to Z is all about making connections. And really, who doesn't like connections. Introverts maybe, but then introverts probably wouldn't be participating in such a challenge. Though I could be wrong. Heck! for all I know I was the only extrovert participating this year. I'm tired but in a good way. I feel accomplished and dedicated. And that's saying a lot right now. So no worries, Pickleope, I'm still going to be blogging. I miss my "I Made It Mondays" and my "Friday Photos."

Two things before I go. First, I hit a blog milestone during the A to Z Challenge: 300 posts! Yay! But even more awesome? All my new peeps! I'd like to give a great big welcome to all the newcomers to my blog. You found me through A to Z and stuck around and that's a major ego boost! Glad to have you around for my journey!

X is for X-tremely Naughty Slang

Okay, Friends, this is a little bit of a cheat but, there really isn't any slang for X that I felt comfortable using. Most had to do with drugs or sex neither of which I'm going to talk about here.

So instead let's talk about the use of the letter X as an unknown factor. And by "let's" I mean "Hey! I found this funny video on Ted Talks the other day that explains the whole thing." Of course, it's really no surprise I found this video since I am currently obsessed with watching Ted videos. I must have gone through about a hundred of them in the past two weeks.

No example today. Please tune in Monday for more!

This post has been brought to you by the Letter X and the fine folks at Blogging A to Z. Check out more A to Z blogs here! 

V is for Vamoose

So we’re getting to the letters that are somewhat limited in slang selections. I feel bad for the last five letters of the alphabet sometimes. You know, they don’t get the the lion’s share of words like S and T. Y gets some vowel love occasionally, but nowhere close to the amount E gets. I scoured through the sites I bookmarked for American slang. Heck! I even looked at British and Australian slang and I was still hard pressed to find words or phrases that I really loved.

So once again, I settled. But the words I settled for work for me.

I can’t tell you how many times this month I’ve gone through the slang list and found words that I use all the time. Today’s word falls under that coincidence. When I was in high school my mom ran a daycare out of our house. So many little feet pitter-pattering up and down the hall, through the kitchen, around the dining room, back to the kitchen and then with a loud voice (to be heard over the rugrats) my mom would tell them all to, “Vamoose-a-boose!” as she was making their lunches.

When my daughter was born, vamoose-a-boose became part of my regular lingo. It’s shortened a bit over the years to just vamoose. More specifically, “Come on, let’s vamoose!” is my regular cry in the morning as I’m trying to get the girls out of the house for school.

Vamoose is a verb from the 1830s that means to leave. In an interesting side note, how cool is it that slang from the 1800s is still part of my normal everyday vocabulary? Pretty cool, right?

Example: Victoria vented violently to Vincent, “We’ve got to vamoose, Vincent, we’re late for our Voyeurs Anonymous meeting!”

This post has been brought to you by the Letter V and the fine folks at Blogging A to Z. Check out more A to Z blogs here! 

S is for Scadoodle

This whole month has been a learning process for me: learning at work, learning time management again, learning to let go (as in letting the girls and Scott get chores done in their way not mine), learning new words, and even more than that learning the original definitions of words that I’ve used for as long as I can remember.

Today’s delay in posting sprung out of exhaustion, as did the post for R. Sleeping is not working out well for me and I find that I am up at odd hours, tired when I should be up, and incomprehensible far more than I like to be.

During the summer when I was little, unless it was raining, I was outside. If I lingered too long in the house I was told to scadoodle. I tell the girls to scadoodle all the time. In the kitchen while I’m trying to cook dinner? Scadoodle! Running up and down the hallway while I’m trying to get laundry done? Scadoodle! Shooting me with their water guns or the hose? I scadoodle as fast as I can!

Scadoodle, aside from being a mega-fun word to say is a noun from the 1860s that originally meant a heap or a large amount, today though, I’ve only heard it used as a verb meaning to move or to get lost.

Example: Samuel scampered straight out the side door when his mom screamed, “Scadoodle!” and threw a soda cap at him when he dropped the salad.

This post has been brought to you by the Letter S and the fine folks at Blogging A to Z. Check out more A to Z blogs here! 

O is for Out to Lunch

Much like yesterday’s term, I had a hard time with O. I’m making the deliberate choice to stay away from offensive or suggestive slang. I run a cleanish blog and I’d like to try to keep it that way.

Although I had heard this phrase growing up, it wasn’t something that I used. I’ve known quite a few people, at some time or another, who could be considered “out to lunch.”

I don’t really have a story to go with today’s post, so I’m going to leave it as is, the middle of the challenge and all. I think those of us who haven’t preplanned our posts are, you know, out to lunch! I know I am!

Out to lunch is a prepositional phrase from the 1970s that means a person has no idea what is going on.

Example: Olivia laughed as a woman across walked into a mailbox. “She’s really out to lunch,” Olivia announced.

This post has been brought to you by the Letter O and the fine folks at Blogging A to Z. Check out more A to Z blogs here!

Interruption

I interrupt your regularly scheduled blog reading for some minor announcements:

1) Holy Moly People! Working is ruining my life of lesuire! I am finding that adjusting to a new schedule at 36 is not nearly as easy as adjusting to a new schedule at 22. That being said, I'm trying, but I am going to have to prioritize my time here. So for the duration of the challenge, I will be focused on making comments on other people's blogs. I love your comments and I read every one of them. Twice. I do! Really! Once in my inbox and then again on the blog. So for Goodness sake keep them coming because you're all awesome like that but I probably won't get around to replying to them until my days off. 

2) I am going to disallow anonymous comments. Blogger is pretty good about filtering for me, but the amount of spam is increasing exponentially and I think I'd rather be a bit more proactive with my blog management.

3) I'm not sure if you noticed but at the end of each post, I've been giving a shout out to a fellow A to Z-er. For this first week I'm linking to people I already know and follow, but for the rest of the challenge I'm going to link to people I don't know all that well but have been intrigued by their posts. 

4) I have been blessed with a gaggle of new followers and I want to take a second and acknowledge them! The A to Z Challenge is a great way to discover new blogs and people who might just be crazier than me and I am grateful for everyone who has stopped by on a whim (and if you are like me you click a link because the name intrigues you) and then stuck around. Thank you!

Happy A to Z-ing!!

Updates, News, and Other Info

UPDATES:

Blogging A to Z - Guys! Can you believe that it starts Monday? HA! Me either! Remember back when I said I was going to work at getting everything set and prewritten and...yeah. That didn't work at all. So I had a theme, I dropped a theme, I went back to my original idea, struggled to plan it, got a job, and almost decided to forgo the challenge. Then I read a news story in my local paper the other day that made me go, "hmm."

And with that, I present my new and improvised theme:

Archaic Slang Of America's Yester Years Through The Ages And Across The States

I'll admit, the title might need some work - it is a bit wordy, but I like words. I especially like words and sayings that not many people use. So there you go. 

NEWS:

Did you catch up there how I mentioned getting a job? Skimmed right over that part, didn't you? Well! I never...okay, I have but that's not the point. The point, Friends, is that I am once again  gainfully employed. Scott and I had a super long talk (seriously, it's been going on for about a year or so) and after nearly two years of playing the application game with the local school district we came to the decision that I needed to look at other options (really, it is wicked hard to get a position in this district. I'm pretty sure that unless you know someone, it just isn't going to happen). 

Interestingly enough, just like we found our current home on craigslist*, I found my job there too. I am back in the hospitality industry as a front desk clerk at a local hotel. I had my start in hospitality/service way back after I graduated high school and then all through college so I am familiar with it and honestly, I'm good at it. As much as I like to try to deny it, I am a people person and I like interacting with...you know...people. 

That being said, I'll be working a couple of wonky shifts and until I adjust completely, interneting and blogging will be taking a backseat. I'm going to do my best with the A to Z but I honestly don't expect my posts to be very long or story-like as they were last year. FYI - if you are recently joining me, you should check out last year's A to Z when you have a chance.

*remind me to share a really funny-creepy story about looking for jobs on craigslist! Honestly we should do a craigslist bloghop with funny-creepy stories because oh man! do I imagine that you guys have a bunch!

OTHER INFO:

Umm...Okay, yeah, you got me. I don't have anything else to add right now. How's about I leave you with a photo?

Mysterious Cinder Block Circle found just off a trail at Girl Scout Camp.

Blogging A to Z. Let's do this!

So despite, or perhaps in spite, of my current blucky blogging mood, I have once again  signed up to participate in Blogging A to Z in April.

I might just be crazy.

But I'm pretty sure it's the good sort of crazy!

I had a lot of fun last year with the posts which were memoiry and fun to write. I'm not sure of a theme for this year. I'm not niched into any sort of blog type. I write about all sorts of things and I plan on keeping it that way, so I'll see what I come up with. Although, honestly, I'm totally open for suggestions.

In addition to that I think I might take a crack at fatmumslim's photo a day again now that I've resolved my photo issues.

Friday Photos

Hey all! Me again back with a post. Remember way back when in November when I was doing the Photo a Day challenge and blogger so kindly informed me that I had reached my storage limit? I got quite frustrated and angsty and I took an Internet break.

We didn't break up mind you. I just needed some...space. I certainly don't need an apology from  Internet not will I bore Internet with a 30 page letter expressing my disappointment.

This is what I have discovered: in order to resize the photos on my blog, I would have resize them in picasa then delete from the original post and then repost them. That's a lot a photos, people, over 600. But I found a loophole. If new photos are resized under a certain limit then they don't count towards that 1 GB of space we are allocated.

So here I am testing that theory.

Back in November Cyra found a turtle in our yard. A beautiful turtle that, if it wasn't a protected species, I totally would have adopted then and there because, I loved him right away.

Meet Wilfred (or Winnefred) the Florida Box Turtle

PS - Yay! It worked!!

This isn't a "Real Post." Seriously.

In my mind, I've been off fighting pirates in the Caribbean, making life-altering crafts out of pine cones and duct tape, saving the world from alien Bigfoot invaders (again) and baking the heck out of some nice crusty bread.

In my mind, that is. The truth and reality is never that exciting and excuses are so 2012. So I'd like to just jump right into things, pretending that I've not been ignoring my blog so much as...

Heck. I can't even come up with a good "so much as."

Forget it. I said this isn't a real post and it's not. I just wanted to take a minute from my excruciatingly normal and slightly boring day to give a couple of shout outs. It seems in my absence I've gotten some Bloggy Love (that doesn't sound...dirty...does it?) and despite my utter apathy for the Internet and blogging and socialization right now, I really appreciate the recognition.

I have received no less than three Liebsters! Serious blogging love going on there and while I am in no way capable of answering all those questions or actually, really passing on the award right now, I wanted to make sure that recognitions was recognized.

So, first a big thank you to Ruby at Whispering Thoughts. She is one of my earliest followers and always has a kind word for me! She also writes some very thought provoking poetry and short stories on her blog. And she has a photo blog too!

Next a couple of bloggers at Moonkissed. New followers Hannah and Holly host a fashion, artsy blog that is cute and informative - especially to someone like me who pretty much owns nothing but jeans, tee-shirts and polos (man I love polos!).

Finally, my BFF Sara at A Bend in the Road. She is the reason I started blogging in the first place and one of my biggest fans (if I do say so myself). Sara blogs about her grief of losing her daughter Lauren, everyday life and food.  

Problems?

So I've figured out the issue.

Fine print. It all comes down to the fine print that we always say we've read, but do we ever really read it? Nope.

Apparently, to make the most of my blogger, I needed to resize my photos. Guess who has never resized a photo ever. Blogger is all: "post all the photos you want forever! As long as they are smaller than 3 microns. But Hey! Post all of them you want!! Yay, Photos!" And I was all like, "Yay! Photos! I love taking pictures and I will post all the pictures and the internets will be complete! Me and Blogger are BFFs!"

Maybe I took Blogger for granted. But maybe Blogger took advantage of my internet innocence. For all computer abilities, I am really not a tech person. Hell! I don't even use shortcuts in Word!

So, it's a fixable issue, but then I wonder if I need to go and resize all the photos I've already posted and that is a daunting thought so I walk away from the computer in frustration and bearing the slightest grudge against blogger even though technically it is my own fault since I didn't read the fine print.

Crap! I can't even really hold a good grudge.

Beside with all the craziness of Christmas preparation, I really haven't spent too much time online anyway. That's how it goes in December. I craft until my fingers are caked in paint, glue and glitter. I wrap until I have scraps of ribbon and pieces of tape in my hair. I blast my Christmas playlist until an intervention is called. I menu plan and bake until there is a haze of deliciousness floating over my house.

So words will be it for the time being. Which stinks because boy have I got some crazy, awesome photos to share! Like the one where I'm surfing and there's a school of sharks right underneath my longboard. And the one where I reached the summit of K2 - I don't want to brag, but the view was pretty amazing. And the one where I had to use the emergency eject chair because my experimental FJ-X465 was crashing into the Mojave desert. Oh and the one with Ashleigh cloning dinosaurs in her bedroom and Cyra photo-bombing her!

Good times!

Blogging Limits?

So, umm...There are limits on how many photographs can go on my blogger? When did that happen?

I apparently have exceeded the 1 GB of free photo space on my blog.

Weird.

So until I figure out a fix on that, I'll be refraining from photos. Which stinks considering I was doing a photo a day thing.

Photo A Day - Work/Play

As I'm not employed right now I had a hard time trying to figure out a photo to fit today's theme. I could certainly take pictures of housework, groceries or cooking, but I've done that and frankly as much as I love it (except for folding socks! I hate folding socks!) it does get rather repetitive and boring. Could I possibly look at chores with a new eye, through the lens of a camera? Sure. Absolutely I could and that's one of the things that I like doing with the camera: taking the everyday stuff and giving it life.

But I have to admit (especially since this is a scheduled post) that I really wasn't up to it. I've spent the weekend running around, partying with Cyra (we played a mean game of  "don't let the balloon touch the floor") and in my few alone minutes I've been working hard at suppressing my growing panic about my surgery (which by the time this posts will have already happened).

So instead, I spent a few minutes combing through old photos that might have gotten overlooked and boy did I find some doozies!

So here is my take on work/play. Actually I should say here's Ashleigh's take because I found these overlooked beauties in one of her old photo folders. So, thank you Ashleigh for helping me out with today's post.

Clearly, Junie is getting ready for a tough day at the office here. She has her tie and collar and she is so very serious.

Day's done, time to Party! Who's up for the karaoke bar?

Out of Commission

So remember when I posted a bit about my teeth a couple of weeks ago? Here and Here and also Here.

Yeah. I'm having some work done. Surgery-like work. In the morning.

(Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.)

I've prepped some photos to go for the next couple of days.

(Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.)

So. Once I stop hyperventilating, I'm sure I'll be fine.

Fine. Just. Freaking. Fine.

There's a bright side here somewhere, but I can't see it over my panic attack.

(Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.)

I read somewhere once that a smart person learns from their mistakes but the truly wise learn from the mistakes of others. Today, I think I am neither. Today, I teach a lesson. Teeth are important. Fears can be conquered with enough anesthesia. Accepting the consequences of your actions may be one of the hardest things to do but it is vital that we own up and take responsibility.

I accept that my teeth troubles are my own fault. I accept that my fear has kept me from doing something about it sooner and now I have far worse problems. I accept that I am a big chicken and wonder if the dentist will think it odd if I bring a stuffed animal with me for comfort. I accept that I will not being enjoying the fabulous turkey dinner I cook unless it is liquified (but I will be all over that pumpkin pie).

Do you feel better yet, Self?

Yeah...I didn't think so.