The Write Way to November

Last year, between a whole bunch of crazy, I decided to forgo my usual November pastime: NaNoWriMo or as I like to call it, No Sleep November. At the time it was the best thing for me to do. Honestly, last year, a month of bizarre writing schedules was just not something I could handle nor commit to. But it was like a punch in the gut when I dropped out. I felt like a tool, disappointed in myself for allowing myself to contrive a nicely wrapped gift package of excuses.

I told myself I hadn’t prepped my story enough. Then I decided I hated the story I was telling. Then I spun into a cycle of “who am kidding,” and found myself staring at a blank screen on my netbook and empty lines in my NaNo notebook - I get a new one every year and all those pages made my head spin, my heart pound. Was this real? I asked myself. Am I having an anxiety attack over something that is supposed to be fun?

So I stopped. Cold. Dead. In the middle of a sentence, I closed the document, did not save, turned off the computer, and walked away from the table.

I was done.

I’m not sure what I regret the most: dropping out or trying to start in the first place knowing I wasn’t feeling it.

Truth be told, I had actually put NaNo out of my mind until yesterday when I got the first official updates from the NaNo people in my inbox. And I panicked!

I’ve got nothing planned! I’ve got too much on my plate! I’m working now - crazy work hours with an even crazier sleep schedule!

After my moment of sheer and utter panic, I stopped and shook my head in disbelief. What am I doing, I thought? I’m already making excuses and I‘ve got a month. I’ll never get anything done unless, you know, I actually go and do it. I love NaNo. I love the crazy, the fast-pace, the insane daily word counts, the weaving and crafting of a story (no matter how much I might think it sucks). I love my few hours at Barnes and Noble typing furiously and drinking buckets of coffee.

I know that I’ve got a good half dozen story ideas that I can plan out this month and be ready to commit to writing in November. So here I am making a public commitment. Call me out on it if you think I’m slacking. Demand that I post my word count in prominent locations. Throw crazy ideas my way and challenge me to make something out of them. I’m game.

Tis the Season

November is pressing down upon me and as my busiest month of the year I am not exactly looking forward to it in the traditional sense. Actually, I’m kinda freaked out about the whole thing.

November brings NaNoWriMo, a writing challenge that I have participated in since 2004. In past years I’ve run the gamut of writing: planning, note cards, winging it, basic ideas, just a character. I’ve done it all. This year is the first year I haven’t had a direction before October hit. In fact, I just got my ideas together and drafted a nearly naked plot with a few hazy characters. The years I’ve planned I’ve done better but I’m hopeful that I’ll continue my winning streak.

November also brings a last ditch frenzied approach to finishing craft projects for Christmas. As usual I have set myself very high craft goals and then there was the incident earlier this month that accidentally ruined three projects that were near completion. So I’m restarting three projects, continuing two more and trying to find the time for a good half dozen not even started yet.

November is also Cyra’s birthday month. In previous years we've gone camping, thrown small parties, had a simple dinner. This year? It’s bowling. We haven’t established if it will be a bowling party or just us bowling for fun. Either way it will be fun. She’s a whole decade old this year. It seems hard to believe. I cleaned out my closet last week and pulled out the girls’ baby boxes. I love how amazing they are, what wonderful people they are turning out to be but, still, I miss them as babies.

If I have a second favorite holiday, it is the completely made-up Thanksgiving feast. I love to cook and bake and it's like Thanksgiving was created just to enable my cooking obsession. Thanksgiving is often treated as a week long event in my house. I bake far too many desserts, way too many side dishes and a turkey three times larger than we actually have need for. I think the largest group of people I’ve fed in recent years was maybe ten. Typically there are six or seven.  But that doesn’t stop me from cooking as though I was feeding twenty-seven! This year might be slightly different as we certainly don’t have the budget for a proper feast.

Knowing myself as I do, I doubt that I will be writing much for the blog and that distresses me. I have let myself get out of the good habits of regular blogging and commenting and so of course I want to rededicate myself to daily postings. With all my focus on NaNo and crafting, I think I will once again participate in fatmumslim’s Photo-A-Day for November.

Tis the season alright! Season of crazy. Season of fun. Season of self-induced stress. I work best under pressure and deadlines. If I don’t have one or the other I tend to be lazy and self-indulgent.

I Love Dudes

Through a few blogs I follow I have stumbled across a new blog. A blog for Dudes. About Dudes. By Dudes. Some of the funniest writers I've read on the internet are over there. Editors WilyGuy and Youngman Brown have turned a fun weekly link-up into a man-sized contest (isn't that just like a dude?). Each week boy bloggers (like boy bands but 5 gajillion times better because 1. I don't listen to boy bands and 2. I totally read boy bloggers and 3. I am a totally fan girl of many male bloggers) link up a post and readers get to vote on their favorite.

So, check it out. Because Dudes need love too!

June Fun

You know how sometimes you participate in daily blogging challenges for two months and then you stop, cold turkey? At first you feel all relieved, like "Whoa! Am I glad that's over! Now I can take a break!" And then maybe a few days later you feel kind of...bored...lost...sad...that you don't have any challenge in your day? And then, desperate to relieve the agony of boredom, you comb the web looking for some kind of fulfilling thing to...you know...fill your time with? Then one day, out of the blue you get an email in your old email in box that you still occasionally check, just for giggles, and low and behold, you have been invited...or should you say begged...to participate in this year's Camp NaNoWriMo by one of the very awesome head honchos over at NaNoWriMo.

And then? Oh Joy! Something to challenge you! Something new and exciting! You message a few friends asking them if they'd want to go to Camp NaNoWriMo with you and they say, "Yes!"

You wake to a new day, creative juices gurgling around in your belly and brain and suddenly last week's Cracked articles take on a whole new meaning. That tiny idea you had a month or so ago that you pushed aside because of other projects takes a firm grip of your hand and starts tugging you to the computer. Awesome bits of dialogue that pop into your head while you are taking a shower suddenly have characters who are longing to say them.

And so, looking forward to another challenge, you dive head first into 30 days and 50,000 words.

Yikes...What in the world have you just committed yourself to? Your palms grow clammy and glistening beads of sweat appear on your brow.

You take a deep breath and a new composition book - lime green because it makes you smile and think of mojitos on a hot summer evening. You uncap your pen...

And stare at blank pages...

Terrified.

Then suddenly, the slight weight of the pen in your hand feels right, the paper is just crisp enough and thoughts and ideas boil out of you. Your hand flows across the page outlining and planning, developing characters and back stories the reader will never know about, but you do. You struggle with the setting, just for a moment, then surge on.

And suddenly?

You can't wait until June 1st. 

A to Z in Four days!?

So when I signed up for the Blogging A to Z challenge back in February I was all cocky and confident. "I have a month to plan posts," I told myself, "No problem!"

Umm... Yeah...Problem.

One of the names I didn't put on my name cloud yesterday was maybe one of the more descriptive ones: "Procrastinator."

I am so good at procrastinating, I sometimes don't even realize I'm doing it. It's ingrained in my hard drive and no amount of reprogramming has been able to help. And I certainly don't want to do a complete system wipe. I work well under the stress of a deadline. The problem is the deadline needs to be really close for me to acknowledge it. Like "objects in the mirror are closer then they appear" close.

I don't even have a theme for the month yet! I have some vague notions of what I might want to do for some of the letters, a few jotted down words and doodles (not that I'd put a doodle up here, because as crafty as I like to think I am, I can not draw anything save a smiley face and a snail) but I have nothing concrete.

But people, four days is an eternity to a procrastinator of epic proportions like me. I can ideally keep procrastinating until April 1st and then whip out some random post and be done with it. Except, I really wanted to be ahead of the curve here. Have good solid posts that weren't just thrown together to fill a niche. And have posts scheduled to go so if I was busy (right!) I wouldn't be worried about it.

Four days. I could get quite a lot of writing done in four days. If I had a theme. If I focus. If I - oh! The lawn needs to be mowed!

Trifextra - Week Seven Challenge

Momma napped in the August sun while Janie explored the rocky island only exposed at low tide. Janie didn’t notice the tide until waves crashed over the rocks below, swallowing the beach.

“Momma!”

I've mentioned Trifecta in previous posts. This week the above 33 word story was something that sprang into my head as soon as I read the challenge.

"This weekend's challenge is to give us a story or snippet of a story which includes, in exactly 33 words, a justified exclamation point.  Make us believe that your exclamation point simply needs to be in your story.  The writer with the most believable exclamation wins."

Inspired.

I’m more of an ideas person. Ask anyone* and they’ll tell you. I have Ideas! I think it comes from my deep seated idealism that I can’t seem to shake (but that’s another story). So having Ideas to write about has never been a problem. I can come up will all manner of plots, characters, settings, worlds! It’s all there in my brain just waiting to escape out onto paper.

Which as it turns out is actually a problem because when it comes to writing down my ideas, putting the thoughts into actually words, dialogue and description, I fizzle and falter and eventually frustrated, I walk away.

Above my computer desk I have the following quote by William Faulkner:

I only write when I am inspired. Fortunately, I am inspired at 9 o’clock every morning.

It is there to remind me that waiting for inspiration to strike will not get a story written. Only actually writing can accomplish that. I look at it every morning when I sit down at the computer to write. An hour later, I look at it again and shake my head at the screen in front of me.

Waiting for ideas isn’t a problem. I’ve got those. Waiting for inspiration isn’t an issue. Why is it then I have nothing to show? Words and words that don’t connect or worse blank screen, blank paper, unloved and unused pens. It’s sad really. But then when NaNoWriMo comes around I can blast out 50k without a problem!

Is it the deadline? I’ve always worked best with one. Is it the self-inflicted pressure? Who knows best but me? So I am hereby giving myself a deadline. I will write, edit and be ready to send out a manuscript by June 1^st.

This year.

End of story.

*By “anyone” I really mean Sara as she bears the brunt of my “ideas.”

Blogging Without a Doubt

Why I am not blogging right now?

I could blame my lack of blogging on an extreme schedule of international intrigue or volunteering for the Peace Corp, but after a good few seconds of contemplation, I realized that no one would buy those reasons, so it makes sense to stick with the truth. Except for the fact that I’m not really sure what that is.

I have been busy. That’s true enough. The end of the school year is always packed with craziness that makes it hard for me to focus on anything but the end of the year, but honestly, I didn’t really feel that this year. If anything, I moseyed through it, not even worrying about packing my room, or cleaning. I did it methodically, mechanically. It just was.

Girls Scouts has been taking a huge chunk of my time. Yeah, that’s true as well. But that isn’t something I mind carving time for. I might not “love” being so involved with the Scouts all the time, but the girls love it and therefore I love being a part of that. And if that includes worrying over troop finance and why parents aren’t paying their dues, well, it’s part and parcel.

I’ve been crafty. Hoo Boy is that true!! I was determined to finish a scrapbook about last summer and I did. Of course, I sacrificed sleep and time from other things, but it was totally worth it. I finished a HUGE project! And it turned out really nice, if I say so myself. And scrapbooking is something I really enjoy. But I’ve also been crocheting like mad and working on other minor projects. It’s in my blood, I think, the craftiness I mean. I don’t feel right in my “free” time unless I am working on something (free time here is defined by anytime I am not spending with the girls or at work).

I’ve been reading. And honestly, re-reading. As I’ve gotten older and approaching another birthday I’ve been thinking about more philosophical things…living a good life, being just…the nature of zombies…that sort of thing, so I’ve been indulging in my philosophy books. Currently on my bedside table, The Republic, Brave New World, Sophie’s World, and The Undead and Philosophy.

I want to be able to say that I have been writing, but I can’t. I mean really, I haven’t even blogged (obviously). I haven’t looked at a story since god knows when. I’ve had ideas that I’ve jotted down, snippets of a conversation that some of my characters could have, descriptions of locations and people. But I haven’t written. Not like I should. Not like I need to be doing if I am ever, EVER going to get something published. Not a paragraph…a sentence…a word. I think that upsets me the most. I have these words and don’t use them as I should.

So that brings me to why I really haven’t been blogging. While all of the above keeps me pretty busy, not a single reason given is what keeps my fingers from the keys. So what is?

Fear.

Fear that my words won’t be interesting. Fear that what I have to say is stupid. Fear that what I write about will apply only to me and not matter anywhere else. Fear that I won’t be witty enough. Fear that what I do say might offend someone I care about.

Fear. Old-fashioned, predictable fear. It keeps me doing what I’ve always done because I fear what might happen if I do what I really want to do. And now that I’ve owned up and admitted it loud and clear not just to myself, but to the world, I need to do something about it. So, I will remind myself of my senior quote in my yearbook:

“Why then, the world’s mine oyster, which I with sword will open.” ~ Shakespeare

Granted, today’s meaning has been perverted from the original utterance proclaimed boldly and with a good deal of menace by Pistol to Falstaff in The Merry Wives of Windsor. Either meaning, I would think, serves me well here.

I will boldly go out and hack my way through the world, taking as needed, with steely eyes and a will forged in the bowels of a volcano OR I’ll wander out into a world that is just waiting to reveal its glorious riches to one who seeks them.

But remember, I’m non-confrontational, so if you see me coming, just step to the side a bit. If you don’t mind.

More Wonderous Discoveries

Slowly, notebook by notebook, file by file, I am re-exploring the world Sara and I created, and I have stumbled upon a vast treasure trove of notes and information I had completely forgotten. It is a bit like going to your hometown: nothing has changed, yet everything is different. Is it me? Have I changed? I’m sure I have and now my older eyes are looking upon our creation with an appraiser’s eye, questioning every letter, doodle and rushed memo.

Take a look for example at the storyboard brainstorm for one of our stories. Sara and I got distracted at one point by a side story and we pondered and discussed how to get a character out of a certain situation. Sara, from what I recall, stared at me blankly while I explained my idea, a complicated and detailed shenanigan where the princess’s bodyguard rescues her and there were horses and a carriage (it made sense back then!) …when I realized she looked confused, I took the time to sketch out what I was talking about.



Clearly, this solved everything.

Some of the notes make no sense although at the time of writing, I’m sure that they made perfect sense. When Sara and I first started this project we were single-mindedly devoted to the world, the characters and the creation. Now, time and distance has tempered my enthusiasm. No, that’s not right; I am full of enthusiasm (although I am not sure where to start). Maybe I am more realistic? More reflective?

In any case, I have a lot of material to work with and I am ready to dive in! I am ready to focus on one storyline at a time and let the other stories Sara and I brainstormed bubble in the crock pot while I work with the Quads.

And trust me, Sara and I have more than enough material to fill up a couple of shelves at Barnes and Noble and Borders!

Back to the Story

Way back in 2004, before we left Flagler, Sara and I came up with an awesome idea: a story that spanned an arc of at least five books. While I claim credit for the initial concept of a set of quadruplets (another brilliant shower idea), Sara and I were equal partners in the development of everything else. We spent a good year working solidly upon it. We made maps, religions, creatures and a royal genealogy spanning centuries. We (and by “we” I mean me) even created a song about the main character!

As time went on, we developed side stories to our main arc. We fell in love with some of the minor characters and ideas. We developed ideas for other books and story arcs. We talked, emailed and took notes but we never actually got around to writing anything solid.

We had cultures, back stories, political intrigue and wars, but no story.

Time passed. Our notes and ideas were filed away as we moved on with other projects. Four Nanos ago, I decided to try my hand at starting our story with Sara’s full support. I didn’t get very far and got frustrated that one character, the villain, began taking over the story and took me away from my main character. I put it away.

When Sara left for Japan, she gave me all of her story notes and files. I dutifully put them with mine and they have been floating around my house ever since, taking up space but not being used.

Last year when the computer incident occurred (Scott crashing my system and me not having anything backed up*) I thought I had lost everything that I wrote for the story I finally started. I was devastated. All the time spent, all those hours of typing…not just the story but all the notes that were saved on the computer – gone! I was thankful I had hard copies of some of the material, but at the time, I didn’t even look at the hard copies. Knowing I had something of the world Sara and I created was enough for right then.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the story, the characters, and the world. I've had some more of my brilliant shower ideas: snippets of conversations, scenes and plot ideas. For the past three weeks or so, I’ve come home glanced at the files and thought to myself, “You’ve got to do something with those!” This world that we created, I thought, deserves to be more than just a bunch of notes. Sara and I invested so much into it, to have it all just sit and wait seems such a let down. Not just for me or Sara but for our characters that we poured so much of ourselves into.

But between work, the girls, and everything, I never picked them up…

…Until today.

Waiting for my gaming group to arrive, I took out my file folder of story notes and began to thumb through them. I couldn’t have been more surprised! Apparently, a while back, during a time I don’t remember at all, I printed out what I wrote for the Nano novel! I had tucked it away in the file and left it there, forgotten and alone!

After the gamers left, I sat at the dining room table and thumbed through all the files. What I thought I lost – the genealogies, the country backgrounds, character notes, one of us (probably Sara) had the foresight to make hard copies. While I am missing some of the original email discussion we had, I have so much material that I don’t know where to start!

So, what to do…

Well, with Sara’s blessing (which I have no doubt she’ll give) I am going to revisit our world. I am going to give voices to our heroes, to our villains and our world!

* I haven't figured out how to imbed a link to previous posts, but for the computer incident check out Silent Fury from Feb. 13, 2009 and Live and Learn from Feb. 14, 2009.

Epic Win

After six years at making half-hearted NaNoWriMo attempts, this year, I set forth a determined message not just to my family but to myself.

Self, I said, you are a story teller. You have been telling stories as long as you can remember and there is no reason why you should struggle and ultimately fail at telling a story. This year, Self, you will win. This year you will take NaNo by the keyboard and write your heart out. This year is your year!

Well, Self, you did it. You said “Screw the laundry!” “Who cares about dinner?” and “So what if nothing is prepared for Christmas!” And you wrote. Every day save one or two when prior obligations (namely a tent and some S’mores) kept you from the keyboard. In fact, you did so well, you were ahead of the word count the entire month! Not once did you fall behind. Final word count 50,500. That’s right. 50ks in 30 days.

So, now what?

Well, a pile of Christmas crafts lurks in the corner of my dining room. A pile of laundry conceals my neglected washer. And 200 pages await a quiet moment of reflection and perhaps printing in January. For now though, my favorite Lobsterman and his lady love are quiet. Their story is still unfinished and after the holidays I will rededicate myself to finishing the story, because everyone deserves a resolution (understand though it probably won’t be a happy one).


So Happy December everyone! And if your Christmas goodies don’t show up until sometime in 2010, just remember that your boxes are late because...

I AM A WINNER!!

NaNo-Crazy

October has hit hard, crafts have been pushed to the side, work is demanding (now that I’m essentially department head) and holidays are fast approaching. So the big question now is what happens next. Well, as far as I am concerned I am determined to “win” this year at Nano. So the only thing that I am concerned about is words! 50.000 words to be exact. October will be for planning and plotting. And November? Oh sweet November. I can’t wait!

Because (and let me repeat): I AM DETERMINED!!!

You got that? All in caps! I am going to win. Come Hell or High Water. If it kills me. Throw in your own cliché here and that’s what it is!

Every year previous, I have been waylaid by other obligations (holidays, birthdays, crafting and work) that I thought were important or might get fired over, this year? Screw it! If I get fired, well, that’s one more reason for me to succeed in this endeavor! So what if the sink is piled with dishes? So what if the kids wear the same clothes for a week on end!

So, Skype will be turned off when I am home and writing. So dinners will be quick and easy (and probably not at all healthy). The phone might ring, but I won’t answer. Cyra will get a cake, but no big broo-ha-ha! Thanksgiving? Maybe I’ll cook, but I won’t socialize and in between basting and pie making, I’ll be writing.

I am not going to be remembered for my awesome cleaning ability or my devotion to a job. On my death bed, I don’t want people to think back and say, “If only I hadn’t cared so much about laundry, I might have gotten a book written.” On my death bed I want to say, “Fuck Yeah! I am proud of what I did with my life!”

So the coffee if fully stocked. My notebook is empty and full of potential. The computer is mine. The plot is set and in two months, I’ll see where it has brought me.

Where the day leads...

I spent the day home with a sick Ashleigh. I had grand plans…laundry, dishes, vacuuming. But in the grand scheme of things, I ended up spending most of the day working on lesson plans and researching Twilight Zone episodes for my Drama unit. Interestingly, that led me to research gremlins which led me to reflect upon modern technology, specifically when modern technology fails, which in turn got me thinking about how we would deal with a sudden absence of all technology.

All those people running around without their cell phones and their apps; mobile blogging and twittering. How would be people who are used to being in contact 24/7 handle the void? Obviously there have been stories about this before. I think I’d like to try my hand at it too. I’ve always had a fondness for end-of-the-world stories and one without technology is one that interests me greatly.

I’d like to imagine that I’d be a-okay without my geeky gadgets, but I think I’d miss my computer…my stove…ohh…my AC. Do appliances count as geeky gadgets? I can do without a cell phone. I have one but don’t use it all that much. I could do without my MP3 Player. I’ve been without before, so I think that while I’d miss it, I could deal. The more I think about this the more I think I’d like to read one of those “living off the land for a year with no modern technology” books.

Needless to say, the dishes are still taking over the kitchen, the laundry is still piled up like unpaid bills and the dust bunnies, without fear of the vacuum, have left the security of the dark underworld beneath the couch and are blatantly mingling with the dog and cat hair balls.

Other than that I really don’t have much to say today. So I will leave you this thought:

"We all live in suspense, from day to day, from hour to hour; in other words, we are the hero of our own story." — Mary McCarthy, American author (1912-1989).