Most people who know me will not be surprised when I say I’ve got a temper. It is slow to boil (90% of the time) but when it rages it is quite out of control. Therefore, I have learned that when I know I’m mad about something and know that I will not be able to rein in my mouth before thinking, I should just be alone. When possible, I do make every attempt to isolate myself away from my family so I don’t wig out at them for something that they have nothing to do with.
So it was with no surprise, that today after a particularly pissy day with 8th graders, a pissy day trying to get ready for a District Visit and an equally pissy Early-Release training where instead of training, or at the very least something useful, we listened to a sales pitch for $500 stainless steel cookware and then got berated for not doing our jobs, for not caring about the students, for not being dedicated enough, for not…
Anyway, I came home and went straight to bed. I wasn’t particularly tired, but with tears welling in my eyes as I drove home, I knew that there was no way I could handle dealing with people. I heard Scott come in and check on me a few times, I was aware of dinner; the spicy aroma of turkey tacos drifted into my room arousing me for a brief moment, but I ignored it as best I could and drifted myself on a lazy wave of near consciousness. My stomach grumbled and growled while I eased in and out of odd half dreams that could have been real except for the maniacally grinning drama mask that hovered in each scene.
Subliminal reflections on what I deal with each day? I wouldn’t be surprised.
I finally got out of bed at about 9:30, hungry, disoriented and still grouchy, although not as angry as before. Scott had cleaned the kitchen, done piles of laundry and was watching Mythbusters. I stumbled into the kitchen looking for food and found just enough taco meat for a single taco. Scott asked me if I was okay and I told him briefly about what happened. I ate my taco while cruising the net, and was entertained by Zach and Facebook pirate English. After Mythbusters, Scott went to bed, telling me not to stay up all night.
So where does this leave me? After my four and a half hour nap, I am still wide awake at 1:30, the night-morning before a major district visit and am now flipping between cheesy romance movies on USA and MonsterQuest on History because there is nothing else on. And because I am especially adept at multitasking – you know, doing a half hearted job at a multitude of things, never finishing one thing and then wondering why nothing gets done properly, I am browsing the internet for news on the Swine Flu and reading a book.
On the plus side? I managed to not freak out at my kids and didn’t explode at Scott for anything.